Caden's Song

Dear readers

The Scottish news channel STV has recorded an interview with Caden Beggan's dad David and his close friends (and relatives) who are part of the band Union State.

You can watch it here

Please consider parting with 79p to buy this great recording (I'm loving it!) and know that you money is going to Yorkhill Children's Hospital in Glasgow into a special fund set up in Caden's memory to buy more of the kind of equipment that, amongst other things, filtrates blood following the onslaught of meningococcal septicaemia.

Bless you. Hoping to post about Akiane (as promised last post) soon, but wanted to pass the word on about the recording as soon as possible.

Precious Caden Beggan

Dear friends,

Caden Riley Beggan
Born 29th September, 2006
Died 20th November, 2012
. . . in Mummy and Daddy's arms.

Thank you for all your support.

Caden is alive forevermore . . .

www.facebook.com/CadenBeggan (posted by Caden's dad on his facebook page)


I've written some reflections out in the hope they might offer some comfort.
Precious Caden ..run and jump on the streets that are golden...explore the Heavenly City...laugh & giggle, play & dance, talk with the Jesus who knew you & loved you from before the creation of the world. Join in with the songs & shouts of praise to our God & know that in a very little while, we shall see you. Gone from this earth but alive for evermore ....

Caden IS alive for evermore. For the Christian, death is not the end. We do not deny that grief and pain exists but accompanying our mourning is our unshakeable, firm, belief that there is an afterlife and it is wonderful. And anyone is welcome to share this knowledge - it is not meant to be a well-guarded secret. We see descriptions of the fullness of life that lasts for eternity all through the Bible but perhaps most comforting of all for us who mourn today is what the book of Revelation says:

Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth," for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

[Revelation 21, verses 1 to 5]

"The old order of things has passed away" - everything that we see around us that kills, maims, destroys, divides families, spoils the earth, evokes greed, causes addiction, breaks down mental health and harms children will no longer exist. God created this earth (in whatever time span that makes you feel comfy!) and he intends to right everything that has gone wrong. And heaven, outside our time and space, reads like and sounds like it is the most amazing place ever. I'd strongly encourage any who are swithering about what this might mean to investigate further.

May I recommend two top-selling paperbacks? The first has hardly been off the NY Times Bestseller list. You could find yourself reading one of these books in one sitting. They are stories of children who have seen what heaven is like:
Heaven is For Real by Todd Burpo and
The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven by Kevin Malarkey

You see, children are wired to connect with God very naturally. Scientists have actually discovered an area of the brain that does this. Check back next week (or sooner) and I'll write about a young artist called Akiane and her family's story. But in the meantime, check out the Bible and why not simply ask God: "are you for real? I want to know!"

In closing, though my heart is so heavy and I feel heartbroken for the Beggan family, together we all put our hope in God believing that we do not grieve as those who have no hope (1 Thessalonians 4 verse 13).

One day we will meet Caden again. Until that day.....

Caden Beggan - a little boy's fight for life

‎

Dear readers.

Today I want to ask if you would partner with me in praying for the life of 6 year old Caden Beggan. He lies in the ICU of the Royal Hospital for Sick Children in Glasgow, Scotland, following suffering from meningitis and septicaemia. Sadly, his legs and part of one of his arms have had to be amputated to save his life. He is still very, very sick. I'd love to urge you to read and share his story through his dad's eyes by reading the daily posts on www.facebook.com/cadenbeggan

I have never read such beautifully crafted, heart-rending and honest posts as these. But each and every one - even David's psalm of lament on Monday, points firmly to the Lord Almighty, the Lord of the Angel Armies, who sees and who knows.

I see a uniting of goodness awakening in this nation. An outpouring of compassion. A desire to speak well and bless, whether the person giving this voice has a strong personal faith or none. I truly believe God is moving in ways we may not yet see, to bring glory to himself and to draw people to him - in the midst of an evil, inspid, hateful disease which reviles and pains the Lord to see. Yet in the outpouring of goodness and mercy we see the hand of the Creator as it is a reflection of his all-consuming goodness in the human beings he so lovingly created. We are his workmanship - all of us.

And today, a commercial bus company decorated their buses in pink livery, promoting Caden's continual "pinking" (for tissue life and vitality to be restored, for organs to be restored to their original condition). The buses also show the link to the facebook page cited above, where David and Angela's faith shines consistently and faithfully. The picture below shows one of Caden's favourites - a green dinosaur he drew himself and his parents' description of him: "to know him is to love him".

This is truly a kairos moment; where many, many people are reflecting on their own lives and families as well as on the Beggan family's battle. Please, please pray for Caden. I sense the battle is intense and continual.
- Pray for Caden's parents David and Angela, his brothers Declan and Ethan,
- for the doctors and nurses involved in his care - "Team Caden".
- pray for the wounds from amputation to heal quickly and supernaturally well
- pray for the continued improvement to Caden's heart rate
- pray that his remaining arm and hand would be saved

Further detailed prayer information is posted daily on the Facebook page.

With permission from the undermentioned people, these reflections point to a faithful God in the midst of deep anguish and pain. He remains our hope and our strength.


Quote from Mike A, (quoted with permission, 16/11/12)

His dad, David, continues to post daily on Caden's status (and his own). But I wanted to share some perspective with you from a close friend of the family, who is in regular contact locally with the family.

Beth goes a long way to articulating my own heart, and how overwhelmed I have felt personally with the response from my own friends in church and on facebook. whether you pray or believe as I do; for those who have asked me privately about Caden; for those at work, family, church; through email or in person; for those who have taken up Caden's cause as your own; your compassion has moved me.

Quote from Beth S, (quoted with permission, 16/11/12)

God does not give me everything I ask for and I do not understand His seeming lack of response in the face of thousands of prayers - but I have felt His presence tangibly close, even in the severest disappointments. He truly never leaves nor forsakes.

What seemed to me to be a perfect way to show Himself strong to a nation and the world, God seems to have passed up. I have learned that I am not the defender of His honour, nor the manipulator of how He should perform. His thoughts are far above my thoughts and His ways are not my ways.

God has given humans, when He created them in His image, a massive capacity for compassion for others. I have been kissed and hugged by a number of total strangers in shops and doctor's offices in the past few weeks, a point of contact with Caden for the one doing the hugging - a deep comfort for myself. The caring response to the Beggan family's suffering has been astounding.

'It takes a village......' - so many people see needs and work behind the scenes in this crisis, without being asked or even having others know they are helping. Some are literally 'laying down their lives for friends.' I am astounded at the generosity of people, doing what each can do in his own way, to help in a severe and ongoing crisis.

The dignity of Caden's parents and entire family, in the face of suffering through the deepest valley I have personally ever witnessed or been through, makes me know that their strength is not their own.

I know not how it can possibly happen, but I KNOW that in God's own omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent attributes, in time He will weave (work) this together for good and be glorified.

Abandonment and Children

Yesterday I listened to Mark Stibbe speak about healing abandonment and the orphan heart condition. It was a great day (apart from the pews/greyhound stalls. For 6 hours.)

The author Jacqueline Wilson came to mind so clearly. Not because I was thinking about anything in her past (honest! the leaders' day was about me examining myself!) but because I found my mind turning to the young who are hurting in THIS country, who feel grief stricken and abandoned. How could the church help? What might I be able to facilitate? I was thinking about a meeting I have set up between a secular charity that supports Young Carers and a couple of our missional expressions (MEs). The charity had asked me if they could refer young children and teenagers who are caring for a sick parent to us for love and support. We'd love to help.

This contact has made me very excited about the increasing role the church in Britain could have to drive forward a manifesto of love, without conditions (you need to do this for me, come to this church service for me etc), simply demonstrating the love the Father has shown to us. One of my most favourite topics of conversation with people who are not yet Christians is to honour them in their role of being mum or dad - to thank them for allowing us to look after their children at our clubs/parties/summer club, with genuine feeling I love saying that we just want to support them in the hard task of being a good mum or dad. And I know we hold key information to heal up hurting hearts to make parenting even easier and better. I'm longing for MORE opportunities to show Jesus. I walk through the playground less often now as my children are getting bigger, but enough times in a week to pray for mums and dads waiting on the most precious possession of theirs to hurtle out the doors....

In addition, for children and teenagers who are hurting, what could I write or do one day in future years that would be a resource or a help to them? How could I spread the message of what God thinks; how he longs to heal and help. I was thinking about my links with social workers and my many years in education, and I was letting my mind have blue sky dreams.

But then I thought of how I would love to talk to Jacqueline Wilson, interview her, in order that I could understand her writing better. My daughter devours every book that she writes and she is discussed and studied in class. She has tapped into something that children identify with and writes in a style that engages them.

A central theme in many of her books is that of abandonment. Her characters find themselves in dark circumstances, facing up to the fact that the grown-up world offers death, divorce, abandonment. They feel grief, rage and pain as a result. She is known for writing about the powerful emotions children feel with immense truthfulness rather than treating children as little creatures inhabiting their own sweet world.

There are some fascinating discussions on the Mumsnet forum regarding JW books...but that's an aside!




My daughter recently read the book "Hetty Feather" and was desperate for us to visit The Foundling Museum in London in our February break. We did and I found it such an emotional experience. I would urge any blog readers to go there if you can, its hidden away (use the website to help you get there) and quite small, but immensely moving.

More than 4,000 babies were left at the Foundling Hospital between 1741 and 1760, and a small object or token, usually a piece of fabric, was kept as an identifying record. The fabric was either provided by the mother or cut from the child’s clothing by the hospital's nurses. Attached to registration forms and bound up into ledgers, these pieces of fabric form the largest collection of everyday textiles surviving in Britain from the 18th Century.

The process of giving over a baby to the hospital was anonymous. It was a form of adoption, whereby the hospital became the infant’s parent and its previous identity was effaced. The mother’s name was not recorded, but many left personal notes or letters exhorting the hospital to care for their child. Occasionally children were reclaimed. The pieces of fabric in the ledgers were kept, with the expectation that they could be used to identify the child if it was returned to its mother.

The textiles are both beautiful and poignant, embedded in a rich social history. Each swatch reflects the life of a single infant child.

I found it hard to hold back the tears as I walked round this exhibit and I felt the Father say: this abandonment has marked this city (London)

Yet allow me to honour the charity who started the Foundling Hospital. Coram. Founded by Captain Thomas Coram, a philanthropist who wanted to provide care for children left dying on London’s streets, Coram is believed to be the UK's first ever children’s charity. Their pioneering work attracted some historically significant patrons including the artist William Hogarth and composer George Frideric Handel.

Hetty Feather, in Jaqueline Wilson's book, was in the care of the Foundling Children's Hospital in the 1880s and it remained open till as late as 1954, when the Children Act changed what children needed from charities. A move to see children placed with families rather than in institutions re-orientated the work of the charity.

Coram's website says: Over 270 years later, what we do makes a real difference to children. Our adoption service has one of the highest success rates in the country. 98% of parents on our family support programmes say that our work brings positive change.

Father, thank you for the pioneering work done by people who loved children and who still continue this today. Please bless the charity in their task of helping human beings to flourish.

The church and support for families

Many readers will have heard about the tragic deaths of eight year old twins Austin and Luke Riggi and their little sister Cecilia (aged 6). They were found stabbed to death in a rented house in Edinburgh after disappearing from their home in Aberdeen with their mother Theresa - who is suspected of their murder and remains sedated in hospital. She was found on the ground below the second floor balcony of the rented house, with severe injuries.

The children's funeral happened on Friday in Aberdeen. More here

So much about this story distresses me. The thought of two of the three children seeing their sibling die in front of their eyes. The mental distress and torment of a soul who took life away so violently. This family - one presumes - were well off materially. Dad is an oil executive. The family worshipped in the cathedral where the funeral took place, together, with the twins making their first Holy Communion there just 3 months ago.

Part of my pastoral ministry role is to support families so I can never blog about details. Suffice to say I am kept busy. But I continue to be moved by the opportunities that the church has to rise up in this area.

I am having lengthy and helpful conversations with social workers. We have respected one another's viewpoints and I have seen an openness I haven't always seen to accept us as upholders of morals and values (whatever you may think of those terms): and as people who genuinely care for and support individuals through thick and thin. I have had opportunities to train many parents outwith the church in positive parenting skills through Triple P and have people clamouring to get on the next course. Thank you lovely Health Board, for spending thousands of pounds on me some years ago for me to be able to show that our church genuinely cares for families and wants to support family life in any way we possible can.

Might it just be possible that we could help avert tragedy? Might it be possible that you and I can be the face of acceptance towards noisy, rumbunctious children, some with behavioural issues that don't fit the "sit quiet" stereotype, some with additional support needs that require money to be spent on the resources in the Sunday School room (there's a joke going on just now about me needing a substantial budget for cushions. It's like the guitar-strings and photocopying budget of the musicians - just plain necessary!!)

Could it just be that Christians living their faith out in family life, demonstrating a difference in the way they spend time together and ENJOY their kids, in thousands of streets all over this country, might just influence people suffering from desperate unhappiness and indeterminable stress in their family life that causes them to do awful things?

I believe that we can effect a change and I'm asking for this all the more when I feel grief over such news stories. Time for those raising children to be prophetically different!

Must read: Foundations of the Christian Family: John and Paula Sandford

Consumer Church

I know I've posted this cartoon before but I want to post it again. It's by the Naked Pastor, David Hayward. I purchased this so I can post it :-) (legal bit!)

Consumer Church.
I'm fed up with it.

I want encounter with the living God.
I want a community that loves and cherishes me like I do to it.
I want to reach my potential without the fear of unrealistic expectations.
I want to be vulnerable without being judged for it.
I want to love the lost like there was no tomorrow instead of field complaints about structures.
I want to look out and not in.
I want to soak, bask, revel in the deep, deep love of the Father with people who long to do the same.

Father of the fatherless

This morning just after 1am, the man wanted in Britain's biggest ever manhunt shot himself after he was cornered on the riverbank in Rothbury, Northumberland. You can read about it here.

A guest-house owner, who did not want to be named, told the BBC: "He actually said, the one thing that sticks in my mind, 'I haven't got a dad'... and he also said that, 'nobody cares about me'."

My heart is breaking as I read this. I feel incredible grief in my heart like I haven't felt for a long time. Yes, this man committed murder. This man frightened and threatened innocent people. This man was addicted to steroids and probably suffering from withdrawal which may have affected his state of mind, but his final words exposed his heart. It sounds like, all his life, this powerful man with an impressive physique and demonstrative power and control over others - wanted to be loved by Dad.

I also feel angry. Angry at an enemy who seeks to kill, destroy, break up and tear apart family and take away fathers. I'm actually going to use the word "daddy" as it demonstrates the childlikeness and intimacy of that relationship. We have an enemy who wants to take away daddies. Daddies - Papas - provide security. They hold you when you're crying. They provide shelter and safety when you feel threatened. They speak constant approval over you but because they love you so much, they also discipline within appropriate boundaries. They're proud of you and a loving dad actually speaks these words out loud over you and demonstrably shows that with his affection.

But it's not just the enemy that takes away daddies. We have to shoulder some of the blame ourselves. We have a responsibility to resist the spirit of this age, to unclutter our diaries and prioritise being mums and dads to our children. We have to leave the office early with things undone. We resign from that important position. We may not be able to run that event. We who read this may feel that we do not have much control over our work hours but many people who are not Christians have left or changed jobs or career, dropped pay, travelled abroad or VSO'd - because they have felt that urge to change something. (watch Relocation, Relocation, Relocation for proof of this!)

I don't think many Christians intend for work to take up lots of their time but there can be an insipid and unseen force at play to make many Christian dads incredibly busy. Is this the enemy at work? Is it the flesh? Do we need to be needed? I don't know the answer to this but I know that at times within our own family we have felt a rollercoaster of busy-ness to be upon us (probably rarely but at certain times of the year, like June and December)and we have had to say "NO!" No more! Stop! Rest! Thankfully that is where we are just now :-)

There were three things I wanted to have achieved in June - one an event and two certain pastoral things - but as a couple we decided, no, they will have to wait - wrong call?? Maybe. I'm a pastor, after all. Aren't I to be constantly doing and available? But for space for our family to be? For time to draw a breath? Yes, right call. But I don't always make the right call.....

Over the last seven years in many settings (I want to be careful to say this is at national events and at residential activities as well as in local churches) children have come to me crying about not having time with their parents - but especially dad. Stuck in my mind is the child who wrote on a prayer wall: I pray that I would have more time with my dad.

But what do we do about this? Parents feel trapped. They don't need the voice of condemnation for that is the surefire way to feel trapped. They are in a job that requires long hours.

So what about a few wee practical tips from things I have observed in others and do myself:

* prioritise time with your own kids. Depending on how you do social life - consider this: Resist doing lots with other families or adults where our own children are diluted amongst other children. Consider dad/mum dates - taking one child out at a time for one-on-one: the folks I know who do this say it is of immense benefit, particularly where there are several children each requiring time and attention

* switch TVs/Wiis/DVDs off - ration and limit time on these from a young age (its harder to do this when children are older as they then struggle to find alternatives, whereas young children get into the habit of this) - talk together/play games together instead. I believe strongly that the fatherless generation now is not just about broken families where dad lives elsewhere but is about absent fathers - kids in another room, him somewhere else and little chat inbetween. Home, but absent.

*try family soaking times. This refreshes and invigorates parent-child bonds like nothing else I know. It staves off the enemy. He can't stand it. It brings a whole family into God's presence - sometimes we actually feel the room become different; like electrified in its presence, sometimes we don't but we have been quiet and still for 10 minutes and talked to God in prayer and listened to him; all of us together in our living room.

I first saw this in action at the Families on Fire conference in Toronto in 2006 which I attended with my 6 year old and in 2007 I hosted this conference in Scotland. The family soaking sessions got the most postive feedback of anything I have ever arranged or put on for children and families - read about it here.

To do this at home, all you need are 10-20 minutes, a CD player and CD, and paper, pens and Bible. Email me at children.pastor@gmail.com if you want further informaton but believe me it's really easy to do and you will probably be amazed at how your children enter into this.

Two church prayer meetings ago I got the children to minister to adults and vice versa during a brief (20 minute) soaking time and it was incredibly powerful. One of my colleagues had popped out to the supermarket for drinks etc (it was an all night prayer meeting) and when he came back he felt like electricity in the air - and asked straight away what had been happening. Children were praying for their mums or dads and other adults and vice versa, I replied.

During soaking times, the prayers are not wordy and not even spoken, we simply rest in God's presence (some people don't warm to the word soaking so just change the word - there are many references to resting in God's presence, meditating on his greatness - see an excellent list of biblical references which I teach from here. Check out the FAQs on the right hand side of the page, particularly the one on Soaking and the Bible).

But back to Raoul Moat. I speak and write of these things because, as Mark Stibbe has written today on Twitter: "We are on a Wilberforce mission. We are after the abolition of fatherlessness and the reformation of fatherhood in the UK and beyond. This is why Father's House Trust exists. This is why we want to address fatherlessness. This is why we want to get a Father heart course into every UK prison". Please support Mark Stibbe as he has recently had inroads into no10 Downing Street itself to help shape UK policy. I feel an Esther "for such a time as this" is upon the Father's House Trust. Please do check the website out.

Christians hold the key; the truth and the life; the way to the Father is the way to be fathered.

In 2007 I wrote about this.

Godfrey kindly gave me permission to reproduce the words of his song then.

Mr HIWWC still sings it as a lament in worship (at our last night of prayer actually, 2 weeks ago). It feels like a song for our nation just now and so apt as I cry about those words from last night: "I haven't got a dad".....

Lord turn Your footsteps towards these ruins
We need You here...We need You here...
Our homes are broken
Our children are stolen
We need You here...We need You here....

Our God and King...Ancient of days...
Alpha Omega, Jesus, Saviour
Work Your deliverance in this place.
Yours is the night...Yours is the day..
No-one is greater...come Lord save us!
Work Your deliverance in this place...

Lord turn Your footsteps towards these ruins
We need You here...We need You here...
In these streets filled with darkness
Our children fatherless
We need You here...We need You here...
Godfrey Birtill
© Whitefield Music UK

A Champion for Orphans

This Hogmanay/Ne'erday, I wonder if you might pray for the Loux family who have suffered a devastating tragedy this Christmas. They are from Kansas City's IHOP (International House of Prayer) - an amazing place. Derek and Renee's huge heart for the orphan has resulted in a quite exceptional ministry and a huge vision.
The excerpt is from the

Loux family blog

Derek Loux Memorial Service

On Wednesday morning December 23, 2009, Derek R. Loux (37), a husband, father, musician, and justice advocate, went home to be with the Lord after a fatal car accident in Nebraska. Derek, a faithful servant of the Lord, was husband to Renee Loux for 17 years and father to ten children, several with special needs.

The Louxs’ two biological daughters, Sophia (12) and Michaela (9), were joined by five adopted daughters from the Marshall Islands: Telma (19), Teyolla and Keyolla (twins, 18), Leeann (15), and Sana (8). Of their three adopted sons from the Ukraine, Sasha (7), Ethan (6), and Silas (3), two have Down syndrome and one has spina bifida.

Late in the evening on December 22, after attending a training seminar on how to save children out of the sex slave industry, Derek and his friend Jonathan, began their return drive home from Colorado. They hit a patch of black ice as they drove through a Nebraska snowstorm, causing their vehicle to spin out of control and flip several times. Derek was not driving the car and was sleeping in an almost completely reclined position. Derek was wearing his seatbelt, but when the car flipped, Derek was literally sucked out of his lap belt. Because he was reclined, his shoulder harness was not tight enough to hold him. Jonathan and a witness of the accident immediately performed CPR on Derek while waiting for the ambulance. Derek was given several different drugs to revive him and after an hour, he regained a pulse. The doctor’s told the Loux family that Derek had been without a pulse for over an hour and that while being transported to a larger trauma care hosptial, his heart rate began to drop and he passed away.

Derek was part of the senior leadership team of the International House of Prayer of Kansas City (IHOP–KC) and served many areas of the missions base, including helping to pioneer Forerunner Music Academy. Before joining IHOP–KC, he served as the director of Indianapolis House of Prayer for four years. As a professional musician, singer, and songwriter, Derek recorded several CDs including Paper Religion and Fragrant Burning. He was also a worship leader and a frequent conference speaker.

Derek’s life passion was adopting and restoring orphans, particularly those with special needs. He pioneered the vision of the Orphan Justice Center, a haven of restoration for rescued orphans.

Kirk Bennett, director of IHOP–KC’s justice department, worked with Derek and the Orphan Justice Center. “Derek was a joyful husband and father. He is one of the most amazing champions of justice, adoption, and life that I have ever worked with. He was intensely and personally involved in bringing justice to many; he demonstrated the value of life to people and individuals so that they could experience their own value and freedom,” said Kirk.

Derek and Renee’s firstborn son, Josiah, a special needs child, passed away when he was 2½ years old. Josiah’s life and death opened the Louxs’ eyes to a whole new world of love for children with special needs. As a result, one of their dreams has been to buy approximately 45 acres on Blue Ridge Boulevard, Grandview, to build a “mansion of mercy” and therapy center for special needs children and the staff caring for them. Renee and the Loux children plan to continue their current efforts to help children, fulfilling this dream even in Derek’s death. For more detailed information about the Josiah project and how you can partner with the Loux family, go to www.josiahfund.org .

Mike and Diane Bickle and the entire IHOP–KC staff will greatly miss Derek Loux, his excellent leadership, and his faithful friendship. Speaking of Derek, Mike Bickle says: “He was a faithful man who loved God and cared about people. He led worship teams, and helped start Forerunner Music Academy and the Orphan Justice Center. He was an integral part of our leadership and he will be greatly missed as a dear friend.”

I Will Carry You

This has to be one of the most beautiful songs that I have ever heard about loss - specifically the loss of a child - and the faithfulness and love of Father God.

Please don't read or watch any further if this might be too distressing for you, although Angie has written her story in order that people might be helped. I don't know her but I have read her story extensively and I believe, as one who works with and loves on grandparents, aunties, mums and dads and children, that there is something in this story that ushers in wholeness and healing. She has written a book; about her little daughter's life and death, that can be pre-ordered here on Amazon.

The song was written by Audrey's mum and dad, Angie and Tim, and you can read theirr story here

If you are in the midst of hurt, grief and anger in the face of suffering or bereavement, Angie's words here might help. It's OK to express that. And if you work with or love children, the perception of a child in the last few paragraphs will have you simultaneously laughing and crying!




I Will Carry You

There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?

People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this

So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says...

I've shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen Me
To carry you

(c) Angie and Todd Smith, Christa Wells

On holiday.....

A sad day yesterday mixed with hope and joy.

I attended the funeral of a young woman who had helped me organise a children's choir one Christmas. I returned to my previous church for a beautiful thanksgiving service. She had been battling cancer for some months.

None of us left without hearing her songs in our head as one she had written one some years ago was played on a loop before the service began and after it had finished. It's chorus was: "our light and momentary troubles are leading us into eternal glory". Her voice was heard clear and loud over the PA system "running, got to keep on running...."

Pray for her work colleagues who turned out in large numbers and were incredibly moved by her faith and courage.

We are away for a few days to Aviemore so no blogging for a bit.

Break our hearts Lord

Kevin Prosch once sang "break our hearts Lord, with the things that break yours...."

My eyes are full of tears as I type this.
An eight year old boy, grieving for his mother and grandfather, hanged himself today in Lancashire. You can read about it here.

I am feeling such sorrow just now as I think of what must have gone through that little boy's mind as he prepared to hang himself. Oh God, how much longer must we see and hear of such tragedy on this earth? We long for your kingdom to come in power, for pain and despair to pass away. How far it is from your heart that little ones should bear so much pain.

Another life full of potential lost. Another child suffering the anguish of mental torment on the inside gone from this earth forever. All I could initially pray was thanks to God that Joshua was in his presence. I know that's where he is; where he can run and play again. I believe heaven is a reality!! In an instant, all was changed for Joshua. But not so for those left behind. Comfort them tonight Lord.
Pray for his dad, who has lost his wife to cancer and his son in three months.

I resolve again Lord, to watch for every child who seems to bear sorrow silently. To petition you concerning them, even when I don't know what to say. To stop for a moment in case they want to talk. To ask you for opportunities to be a listener to those who hide pain. Because it seems to me that as we do more "stuff", get busier, aim to beat deadlines, multi-task amazingly, co-ordinate work/family/social lives skilfully, we can easily miss the opportunity to love the one in front of us. "och, they'll be OK", I think. I know, I've done it so many times! Then the check in my spirit comes, take some time with this person, Lynn, I need to heed that prompting when it comes.

Lord, comfort those who mourn tonight.

Mourning

Last post was about joy; seems appropriate that this one is about mourning as we approach Good Friday.

We have three half hour meditations on Good Friday, 12, 12.30 and 1pm. I'm leading the middle one, from Mary's perspective.

I've been preparing using some music that sounds like a lament from deep within (by Alberto and Kimberley Rivera) and I'm finding sadness well up as I identify with Mary, losing her son who was, after all, "still her little child".

I had a miscarriage some years back and God's helped me with that more than I could ever ask or imagine. I am deeply moved by Mary's submission to the will of God, to lose the child she brought up and saw grow into an incredible human being.

God, meet with me as I remember that your death wasn't a neat storybook tale nor some romantic myth; but full of pain and sadness and separation from those who loved you.

Reflections on the past week......

It's Thursday night. I have experienced a lot of emotions in the past seven days, some tears, some joy and a very tangible sense of God's presence. It's actually been quite a week and, as usual, there's a lot I can't go into detail on.

In the past seven days I have worked my usual 0.7 of a week but also submitted two assignments to college. I'm always writing assignments right up to hand-in day, so last night was a 2am job as I really had to fulfill my job requirements during the day and then go to the business meeting at night. I'm not at work Mondays and Fridays usually but that's all gone out the window this term as I am working on a final practical theology placement till end-April.

I've been very sad this week at the death of an amazing Christian woman who would do anything for the love of children. She would really would do ANYTHING for you; and supported me in untold ways; phoning every Monday for prayer requests, helping look after babies for daytime alpha, ready to lend a hand to vulnerable mums I came into contact with. She'd babysit for folk I referred to her from the community who were under real stress and we prayed together for a number of them. Although she had been ill, her death came very quickly. Yet today at the funeral there was a real sense of the triumph of God; that death really has been overcome!

I was very touched at the number of young mums who came from our toddler group; who do not attend church but who wanted to pay their respects to a lovely woman who knew what it was to stick close to Jesus.

So that was today. I'm very grateful to the pastor who I sat next to at a meeting yesterday who naughtily kept me chuckling throughout the event we were attending. Respectful chuckling of course. He wouldn't have known how apt his comic interventions were .....waters of refreshing!!

I don't think he reads blogs but just in case
- this picture is for you ----->

The last two weeks have also been marked by a quite unusual sense of God's presence. As already hinted at in another post, God has been tangibly very near. I do tend towards the touchy-feely rather than the analytical "let-me-think...?-is-this-really-God" kind of approach but believe me, I've been in this game long enough to never live by my feelings (I feel a Nicky Gumbel moment coming along - faith, fact and feelings are walking along a wall. Who follows who?)

But I really enjoy feeling my Father's love and I never want to stop feeling that.
And if I don't feel it, I still know it to be true. I love him so much and am eternally grateful for all he has done for me. I've been waking up feeling so loved ...and humbled....I was at another event this week which started off with a prayer reminding us that we are miserable sinners. It was all I could do to not jump up and down crying out "I'm a child of God, made for the King!"

So I've been sad for and with friends this week, I've mourned and laughed, I've prayed my socks off over some issues this week, I've worked hard and now intend to rest; but I know God is very present.

Last year's atonement theory class was best summed up for a lot of us by this great quote from Karl Barth, when asked to sum up his theology, replied: "...Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so"

Yaahhooooo - a great theologian speaking at a child's level! Bring it on!

Known to God

I have had a very emotional few days.
Like many others of us, I too wept for the needless deaths of those young Amish girls in Pensylvania. It brought back memories for me of the Dunblane tragedy.

Today I attended a child's funeral. I felt extremely upset about the loss of that child that I would have got to know and I felt acutely the pain the family felt. I find incredible comfort in that phrase "known to God"; and I pray that the parents know God's comfort tonight as I type this.

I went from that straight to a class at college and didn't quite "tune in" at the right frequency - partly because I felt emotional and partly because the only free seat was all alone at the very front of the class. Norma No-mates!


Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart (Jeremiah 1:5).