My days just now are spent either writing or dreaming at the moment, which seem to be in direct opposition to one another, except that in a way they aren't, as one is feeding into another.
In my last job I sometimes felt guilty about dreaming; things I believed I might see or do, help shape or make happen. I think the guilt came in mainly because I was drowning under the pressure of current things needing my time and attention; i.e. how could I dare to think of taking or something more or something bigger? Surely that was me just grabbing opportunities for more responsibility? ....or....was it possibly me beginning to feel that what I was doing in some ways didn't fit "me"? That I needed some kind of a slight shift? I still love the church's vision, the passion of many of those around me and the young people and the parents I served. I still feel deeply that my time was cut short; that I hadn't finished what I was to do but I really had no alternative to go as I had to obey what God was saying to me to do.(chronicled elsewhere on this blog). I miss people terribly and that hasn't lessened at all, because I see folks round and about in the school/local community, it seems like moving away may be the only option. But at the same time we feel a strong pull to remain here. How can thatwork out in practice? Is that us just being lazy about the whole house pack up/move again?But we have a few more weeks to wait before making any decision.
Careful counsel in this interim period has helped me to see that it is permissable to have dreams of what you might see happening in the kingdom of God and even to call them out - "say what you see". Amongst other things, it gives hope and excitement for the future.
I wrote before about some of the dreams I have been having, a lot to do with bringing older generations together with the young, seniors and parents, and to see intentional discipleship get to another level; discipleship that releases us into the community under authority and with real power.
I read a journal entry last week from 2009 that I had completely forgotten about - the retreat leader asked us to ask the Holy Spirit to show us what we were created to do and I wrote the following: (short excerpt!)
I've created you to break down partitions - they are not barriers because barriers are more sold, more permanent. Partitions are moveable, temporary and often left in place because of convenience; they have always been there so why bother moving them? Yet there is one who can show a different way; that it is possible and will indeed be necessary as we approach the final days. "All hands on deck" will be the phrase of the day; advance the kingdom in signs and wonders using children, teenagers, families, singles, adults of more mature years, EVERYONE!.........The army of God rising up like the terracotta soldiers [in China], each one different, unique. Long buried underground, not known about till that discovery. Each soldier has a set of weapons and is in battle formation.
You will (and have already) encounter great opposition, even from those who carry a revivalist anointing because partitions equal comfort. Partitions mean each need can be catered for comfortably. There has been a time and a place for this but in these days dismantling is necessary as I want to teach the revivalists that great power is exhibited by the weak; the small; the inexperienced; the young. Adults will walk in even greater power when they partner with the young.
I am reading the most remarkable book called: Launching Missional Communities - A Field Guide. So well laid out, (its won an award for it layout), addictive to read (bring on the case studies), theologically sound, all age inclusive and utterly committed to Holy Spirit ministry. I just feel that my experiences thus far, the things in this book, and the call I feel on my life, are all connected. But I'm waiting for God's help to see how these connections are to spark into life together. I think now I have had to come out, come away to allow that to happen. It's so hard though! I've found some studies on Sunday mornings from the book of Samuel to be really helpful, more about that another time perhaps.
Regarding changing the way we do church - it's OK to ask questions. It's OK to have concerns. It's good to experiment, try things out - and even fail! I have ideas that are probably rubbish ones but it could be so much fun working this out together,if we are in a loving community; if we are secure in who we are and in how great God is! One thing I am sure of is this: God places a very high priority on the place of young people and their families in his kingdom purposes. They are natural missionaries, even as preschoolers, or those in school/college, on the threshold of so much, so open to discipleship, so easy to love. I love them.