Sunday, October 14, 2007

Some things I find hard........

I am struggling with one aspect of my character just now; when others to whom I am close have different priorities to my own.
When things that seem vital to me are not as important to others - whether it be house size/what to do with spare time/money/amount of time spent "out of the Christian bubble" - I can get intolerant, judgmental, on an ego trip, sad, disappointed even. I expect others to live up to my impeccably high (of course!) standards. Oh no - pride!!!

Jesus words flattened pride. I've just been reading some of his words to the Pharisees.

Forgive me, Lord.

On another note entirely, I have recently found myself becoming involved in the lives of two families who have suffered the most unspeakable tragedy. One is from Scotland, one is not. Both are bringing me to tears, I want to see a breakthrough. I want to see their lives changed. I want dramatic, miraculous, life-turning-around change. I can't bear the thought of their pain continuing. There *must* be healing for trauma in this good news, the gospel! And, if I'm honest, some of the tears are because I realise that there is a deep, personal cost involved in making myself wholly available to these families. It's comfier to not bother.

And again Jesus words go deep; "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it." (Mark 8:35)

I'm working a lot through - I sense some deep shifts in my thinking and in my call and purpose in doing what I do. And, oh yes, there's some dying to self having to happen.

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