Thursday, October 05, 2006

What happened next? (over to you)

I am back on jolly form today, although this is perhaps not something to boast about, since the church administrator and I dissolved into giggles during a rather important meeting with lots of blokey types discussing serious church welcome issues.

I am afraid it was my fault.

Back to the weekend - all age service.
My little chap turned four last week and said to me, in a serious tone, "now, mother, I promise to stop being naughty; never to shame you and always obey you and daddy for you alone know what is best for me and promise always to love me and protect me".

Uh-huh. As if.

Picture the scene if you will, last Sunday morning.
Father and mother of said child "up front" during opening worship.
Congregation singing heartily away, all facing the front.
Small child edges further and further to the front holding something in his hand.....with an "I dare you to react" face on. The thing he is holding is used for the discharge of urine from the body...and he's walking this way with it on view.....during the opening 10 minutes of the service.............................................

Before I tell you how I reacted......over to you:
in this scenario WHAT WOULD YOU DO NEXT?
(remember that within the next ten minutes you are personally back on the platform/stage leading the congregation in worship. Therefore placing the hand of correction firmly upon the seat of learning is not an option in front of hundreds of pairs of eyes who pay your wages. Also, there are none of said child's grannies or aunts around to bail you out. I'd love to be a second generation Christian...)


  1. Wood Street Girl10:21 AM

    Firstly I am MOST certain that the giggling fit was not wholly your fault. As some who knows your administrator well I feel certain she was well on her way to dribbling with laughter before your irreverance started!

    But to the other a non-parent I would probably have shreiked in horror before dragging child off stage left to chain him to the drum kit for the duration of the service. It's probably not what super-nanny would reccommend and I have to say you managed admirably.

    In order to get your own back, save these stories up and decided to share them during the cake cutting speech at his 18th birthday party.

  2. If I'd noticed Lynn, I'd have pulled his trousers up. That's what church family are for - I'm sorry we failed you on Sunday! Having dealt with the immediate issue I think then is an ideal opportunity to follow the "selective ignoring" strategy from the PPP course.

  3. hey TalkRhubarb, please don't apologise, I think you had extra kids with you anyway! I omitted to say that several supportive folks had tried to get to the boy before me but he had eluded them....he's destined for great things I think!

  4. I teach a course in worship and may in the future include this as an exam question...

    Here is my take on what you signal to the band to begin to play a bit quieter and you approach the microphone...and say 'While the band continue to play I want to invite you all to close your eyes, listen to the music and concentrate on God'...while they are concentrating on God you capture him (your son not God) and get him sorted, before you return to the microphone and with added conviction say, 'Let's lift our voices now to Praise and Thank God, for all that he has saved us from!!'

  5. Ah-hah, have you just finished watching Jonathan Ross!!?!?

    Love it S, have been chortling out loud at this suggestion.
    I would of course, have to put on that special "close to the microphone" hushed voice!


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